Chats On the Farmhouse Porch

I saw this link-up on one of my favorite blogs, Homespun Simplicity, and decided to join up! 

 Do you remember your first day of school?
I do remember my first day of school- the first day of K, my first day at every new school, my first day of every new grade.  School was the central focus of my life.  I loved school.  Namely, I loved the smell of the school books.  I loved opening up a new-to-me subject book to see the name of the student who had the book the year prior- I felt a strange sense of connection with that student, and would flip through the book looking for telltale signs that the prior student had left their mark in it.   I loved shopping for new school supplies.  I loved the brand new box of unused crayons, which I carefully guarded  from others, and made sure were in correct order before putting them away when I was finished with them.  I loved soaking up whatever the teacher decided to share with us.  I only had one teacher, the entire time I was in school- to include college- that I did not like or respect.  Not bad considering…

  SO back to the question… LOL  

I guess I should tell you about the first day of school  I remember the best.  My first day of ninth grade- a transition from public school to a private school- a transition from a class of over a hundred to a class of under ten.  I remember the kids of all ages rushing through the halls.  I remember how ALL the teachers smiled and hugged and greeted their students and seemed genuinely happy to have each one in their class.  I remember getting my new books and realizing they were mine to keep, so I could highlight to my heart’s content and finally really use those beautiful highlighters waiting in my bag.  I remember how shy I was after years of bullying in elementary school and awkward transitioning in middle school.  I remember how lovely my classmates were, how kind they were, how eager they were to know me.  I remember meeting the girl who became one of my best friends- someone I still treasure all these years later (and I am not sure I have let her know that— shame on me.)  I do remember that first day as one of the best first days of my school career.
 
Do you decorate for the different seasons? If so, have you decorated for fall yet?
I love to decorate for the seasons and for major holidays.  I grew up helping my Mom decorate for Christmas and Easter, and helped her change out a few items around the house for particular events.  However, since being married, and getting to spend quality time with my amazing MIL, I have really hoped to start emulating her decorating habits.  The woman goes all out!  And she has such amazing taste and ability to coordinate.  I love it!  However, being in the military lifestyle, I have to be careful how much “stuff” I accumulate as we are limited on how much can be moved from place to place.  Still, I content myself with placemats and tablecloths for now.  Someday, I hope I can really decorate for seasons, especially the Fall, because it is my all-time favorite season!

What food do you associate with fall?
Pumpkins, apples, spices, lots of pork! Then of course, there is turkey…  🙂

Do you order books online, buy books in a bookstore, download books to a device, or frequent the library? If not interested in books, how do you get your music?
I get new books a combination of ways.  I am purchasing more ebooks via Amazon.com now because of the ease of carrying my Kindle and having my “library” in my purse.  However, some books become like family.  I read them over and over and over.  Those books I still buy hard cover versions of so I can keep them and curl up with them next to the fire with a cup of cocoa.  Those I search everywhere for the best price.  I prefer to buy books used, if they are in good condition.  However, I have shopped online, in stores, even at yard sales.  I don’t really care where I get them, so long as I feel as I have found the book I want at a good price and in good condition.

When was the last time you realized that you had just been talking to someone really special?
This is a hard question to answer.  Recently I have spoken with old friends, family who I am rebuilding relationships with, my sister, and my daily conversations with my Kiddo or Hubby.  They are each really special in their own way because they mean so much to me. 

However, if the question is meant to inquire about someone special who is new to me, I would have to say it was with a dear lady I met at a group gathering very recently.  I was the newbie.  I am always self-conscious and out of place when I force myself to attend gatherings to meet new people.  However, again, because of military life, it is something I must do despite my hermit tendencies, because at some point, I am going to need those MilSpouses, or they might need me.  Anyway, I forced myself to walk up to the other ladies and introduce myself.  Most of the women were warm and welcoming, but they all clearly had already formed friendships and groups of their own. I still felt like an outsider looking in. 

Having enough of forcing myself into conversations, I sat down at the edge of the room to look through some brochures I had picked up.  Sitting next to me was this charming woman.  We spoke, simply small talk- generalities about the evening, the cool weather, the obvious fact that I was new.  LOL  The woman got up to leave, and as she got up, she complimented my skin.  (I am not good at taking compliments- never have, never will)  I smiled, trying to force myself to accept the compliment graciously– HOW DO YOU DO THAT???  I commented that I use coconut oil on my face instead of lotions and creams.  The lady sat right back down to hear more.  I expanded on my use of coconut oil and the changes I have seen in my skin (and hair).  She listened with disbelief, then looked at my graying hair and complimented it as well.  She told me I looked like I was 24, but the gray hair contradicted that appearance.  Again at a loss in how to respond, I laughed (uncomfortably) and told her my real age.  Of course, my age was still young to her, but her eyebrows raised just the same.  As she rose to walk away, she patted my hand and recomplimented me before walking away. 

Now… For someone who has a horrible time accepting compliments, her kind words, and the way she delivered them- almost shyly- touched me deeply.  I am not one who cares about fashion, or trends, or clothes in general.  Most days, I put my hair in a ponytail, grab my most comfy jeans, and t-shirt, and I am good to go.  No make-up.  No primping.  That is just not me.  However, when I do put a little more time in my appearance, because I KNOW how important that is to OTHER people, its nice to know I did it the right way.  LOL  That woman’s gentle compliments were very soothing to me as I felt so out of place.

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Happy Father’s Day

Growing up, I always hoped I would marry a man like my Father.

When I met my Hubby, I honestly hoped he would be similar to his Father.

Today, I can happily say that my Hubby has the best of both of our Fathers. 

Plus, he is a man of God, striving to be a better example for our son, so our son can be a better father to his own kids some day.

I am so honored to stand next to this man who is my husband and the father of my child.  I am so proud of him as he strives to be the very best Daddy he can be.

To all the Daddy’s out there- God bless you!

Reality of Friendship

Have you ever wondered who would show up to your funeral?
Hold a going away party.  There you will discover who values you and why they value you.  Those who show up, and those who remain absent will tell you more about yourself, your relationships, and how you are perceived than any conversation ever will.

I have debated whether or not to share this because it opens myself up again to being misread and misunderstood, and heaven forbid if I sound like I am whining.  However, I know I am not the only one who goes through this with every PCS/move transition. 

This last weekend, DH and I had our going away party- a simple all-day, come-as-you-are, come-and go-as-you-please cook-out in hopes we could see all our friends (who all have very busy lives) before we leave the area.  Granted, we have a couple more weeks.  However, with the pack-up and pack-out still in the works, a house that is still on the market, jobs for us both to still put in time with, a kiddo to keep entertained during summer vacation, and a million other small errands and chores, we are just not certain that we will be able to visit everyone we would like to.

Now, here is my heartbreak.  Every single person I invited to come to the cookout is someone whom I care about for many different reasons.  Every single person I invited is someone I call friend, someone I have trusted, someone I have respected, someone who has impacted my life in a positive way since being part of this community.  Yet, from my invite list, only a few of my friends showed up. 

Please don’t get me wrong.  I had so much fun seeing those friends and their families.  As I said, each of my friends is so uniquely special to me.  I enjoyed catching up.  I enjoyed laughing and reminiscing over the past four and half years.  I enjoyed cuddling with kids whom I have come to love almost as my own.  I enjoyed hearing about the new things in my friends lives, and sharing the excitement of our move with them.

However, so very,very many were missing.  OBVIOUSLY missing.  Some were missing with no explanation~ no calls, no texts, no apologies, no excuses- nothing.   Worse, some flat out lied instead of just saying they did not want to or could not come.  And that, frankly, heartbreakingly, shatters my perceptions of all these other friendships. 

I apologize over and over because I know I am a hermit.  Yet, hermit or not, I bind myself to people.  This weekend, I realized that my perceptions once again are not reflective of reality.   Just because I consider someone to be a friend does not necessarily mean they share that feeling regarding me.   I realized that my values that define friendship do not involve what someone can do for me, though I am told most friendships do value what you can do for someone.  Simply put, I consider you a friend if I find that I can trust you, respect you, learn from you, laugh with you, and be honest with you.   I consider you a friend if I feel I can trust my kid with you, if I can confide in you, if I can share my faith/politics with you even knowing we disagree on those issues.  So, yeah, I considered many people to be friends, when in reality, I am seeing, most of them were not “friends” so much as “acquaintances” with whom I shared a good experience. 

Since Saturday evening, as I was contemplating the glaring absence of so many of my favorite people, I came to realize my error.  It does not matter that I love those people.  It does not matter that I have given everything I am able to those relationships.  What does matter is THEIR perception.  If I have ever slighted them (without meaning to, I can assure you), then they have better friends to move on to.  If I have ever missed an event, then “tit-for-tat” comes into play.  Why would they come out to say goodbye, when I have missed any of their events?  Why would anyone consider me a friend, when I am such a publicly (ironic isn’t it) proclaimed hermit?

Yes, it is true.  I treasure solitude.  Not because I do not like people.  On the contrary.  I treasure solitude because I do not want to be a burden on anyone.  With all that goes on in my life because of health issues, I set myself apart because I do not want to be the one that is always complaining.  I do not want to be the one who always needs help.  I do not want to be the one who always has an issue.   And as much as I fought not to be those things, I have effectively cut myself off from the people I assumed understood.  I have worn on their patience.  I have taxed their understanding.  I have let them down too often without even realizing it.

Then again…  I am reminded, as I am with every PCS, that most relationships are only for a season.  Some relationships cannot handle limited communication.  Some relationships were only ever one-sided.  Some relationships were nothing more than a lesson learned.   And a very few relationships, like I share with some of those that did come out for the cook-out, truly do stand up to my hermit tendencies, forgive it, accept it, and will last despite my best (worst) efforts to kill them.   For those relationships, whether they be with people from here in San Angelo, or relationships from over the years, I am so deeply thankful, and I know, despite the pain,  I am truly blessed.

My biggest lesson here is to assume nothing.  I learned long ago not to expect from others what I expect from myself.  However, assuming people feel about me the same as I feel about them when they really do not is a very rough lesson to learn. 

I Worry… A Lot…

I write another blog (Military Women of God) where I attempt the share God’s Grace and Mercy with women associated with the Military who are often alienated in their Faith in one way or another.  One thing I try to do every Sunday is a blog called “Sacred Sunday” where I share a passage from His Word in hopes of encouraging and challenging these Christian women to lean more on Him.

This week, I shared a passage that has been both encouraging and challenging for me personally.  Rather than retype the entire thing- please click over to it here:  Sacred Sunday.

Let me just say this- I once again stand convicted. 

Let no one ever say that Christians are perfect, because I am living proof that not a single one of us is perfect.  Rather, I am a perfect example of imperfection covered in His Grace.  Thank God, He takes me under His wing and loves me so much even when I fail Him miserably, and cling so tightly to my own transgressions.

Tamale Casserole

Stole this recipe from my friend, De’Etta, who got it from the “Happy Herbivore Cookbook”! 

I changed it up a bit (according to her own suggestions), plus made a few tiny alterations so my guys would like it better.  Please visit her site for the original recipe!  🙂

Ingredients
1/2 C chopped onion
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 green bell pepper – diced
1 C medium salsa
1 C frozen yellow corn
1 can black beans (cooked or canned)
1 C sliced black olives
1 can diced tomatoes
1 T chili powder
1 tsp dried oregano
1 tsp ground cumin
1 C shredded cheese (I used cheddar)

1 recipe cornbread mix – not cooked –

Directions
Preheat oven to 400.

Combine onion, garlic, and pepper in 1/4 C of water in saucepan over medium heat.

Cook until water is mostly gone and the onions are translucent.

Combine all ingredients except cornbread batter and mix well to combine.

Spoon mixture into a greased pie or casserole dish.

Pat down firmly.

Pour cornbread mixture over top in a thin layer.

Bake for 20 min, sprinkle shredded cheese over top, continue baking for 5 minutes.

Serve with sour cream and salsa!

Because there is no meat in this casserole, you might consider serving with a blackened tilapia or other fish.